I have a confession.
It’s hard for me to admit. It’s ugly. It’s a constant fight, like to the death fight, no holding back, sweating, gasping, breathless FIGHT.
I struggle with faith.
Not faith in Jesus………faith in the rest of the promises in scripture. But wait! Wait, isn’t that the same thing? If I believe in the truth of Christ Jesus, it should immediately follow that I believe the rest of scripture. I could certainly say I DO believe, I just don’t believe any of those other promises are for me…… Is the Word TRUTH to me? Is scripture, all of it, for me?
The lies. Oh, the lies my wicked heart has fed me since the very beginning. As a child I put my trust in Christ, and since childhood the enemy has snared me with untruths with a vengeance.
You’ll never be good enough.
You’re ugliest of all the ugly.
Your ideas will never work out.
You’ll never be that ‘good’ mom.
Your husband doesn’t truly love you.
You don’t deserve happiness.
You’ll always be just a failure.
Anyone else ever feel these lies swirling around you? Rushing into the sore spots, the weak spots, the spots we cover up with a glossy exterior so no.one.knows.the.REAL.me.
We inadvertently feed the lies by believing them. And by covering them up. With food. With pleasure. With imagining what could have been. With substances. With all the things that take more away from us than what we’ve already lost. We battle these faithful, familiar lies with all the steam we’ve got, never realizing we have no steam at all, just so many broken pieces of armor. So many broken pieces of heart. Sometimes the truth, like brilliant sunlight, breaks through just a few of the cracks, and we hope, we hope so hard in God, in that scripture a friend posted on facebook, that verse the preacher mentioned, for just that moment. And then we turn from the light, and the lies all squirm back in……
It’s not for you. The Bible’s promises aren’t for YOU at all. Witless girl!
I’ve fought until I’m weary. I’ve cried until there’s nothing left…hoped against all hope, kicked, screamed, swept up shattered dreams a few too many times to count.
Life has been harsh to me, ever unkind, seemingly with not even so much as a chance to come up for air.
But you know what I’m finding, friend? The pure words of scripture that I learned as a child, that I heard from the pulpit, that I read when I tried so hard to be a good girl, highlighting and memorizing, and hear and read today…………from the dark places, the most painful places, the places no one knows…….they ring out. Peal after peal of line and verse. If only I listen. If only I give up on my own steam. If only I turn to the light, away from the familiar cacophony of lies, to the Light of the word Himself.
You’ll never be good enough. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 You’re ugliest of all the ugly. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 Your ideas will never work out. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 You’ll never be that ‘good’ mom. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9 Your husband doesn’t truly love you. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away… Song of Solomon 8:6-7 You don’t deserve happiness. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness…Psalm 30:11 You’ll always be just a failure. I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. Isaiah 43:25
Wow. So if all those beautiful words are there in scripture, what does that mean for me? Why has life been so hard? So painful? Why have I been rejected, scorned, abandoned, neglected?
Because, dear friend………..if all of our lives were perfect pictures, would anyone have a reason to believe? Could we possibly understand? In our perfectly manicured dreams, is there need for a Savior? A plan of salvation? A rescue? No. Not at all.
And if we never hurt, never ache, never break, could we ever help bandage another broken heart? No. We’d never understand. We’d never hear the cry of a broken heart echoing within our own. We couldn’t be the Savior’s hands to hold, arms to embrace, shoulders to lean on here on this earth.
So IS the Bible for me? For us? Is it true? Can I claim any of it?
I’m here sharing from my own broken heart–YES! Yes.
A million times yes.
O Lord, You ARE my God.
I will exalt You,
I will praise Your name,
FOR YOU HAVE DONE WONDERFUL THINGS;
Your counsels of old are
FAITHFULNESS and TRUTH. Isaiah 25:1
He is faithful to us, no matter the storms of life or the failures of those who’ve hurt us. Our own failures.
He is truth, TRUTH itself, the Light of the world.
These promises are for me. For you. For us. Forever.
Step out of the dark cloud of fears, failures, hurts, and brokenness along with me. We can only be held in lies, in bondage to what we allow to claim us. Let’s let the promises of scripture, the truth, claim us instead.